Written by James Mehl for dancebeatapp.com
Note: A professional ballroom dance teacher wrote this blog without utilizing generative AI.
Crap. I started us facing backward.
It didn’t matter that my bride-to-be and I had practiced on the venue stage the day before. Our wedding waltz choreography required that we start in a specific corner of the platform, and my jittering excitement on the day of my wedding led us to the wrong corner. By the time we had realized my mistake, the music had started, and we had already taken dance frame.
Our dance was picturesque, yet dignified. It was elegant, but also understated – at least, the back curtain would have thought so if it had eyes. Our human audience just saw our twisting backs and confused behinds.
Whether your wedding dance features four simple floor figures choreographed by you and your fiancé in the living room, or an aesthetic show-stopper crafted with the help of a professional in a studio, there is plenty of room for “error” (why the quotes? I explain at the end). Technological issues do love to sneak their way into the scene, but the focus of this article will be on recovering from choreography blunders. What happens if you “mess up” during your wedding dance? What are some ways you can recover from a “dancing disaster” in front of everyone who’s ever mattered to you?
I’ve broken the process down into three phases (thematically appropriate for getting married: Recognize, Commit, and Reflect).
1. Recognize (Just like you “recognized” your best self in your partner! Aww!)
The first step to recovering your wedding dance is quickly analyzing and determining the severity of the mistake you just made. We make hundreds of split-second decisions every day, and that lightning-fast processing has been training us to make decent gut decisions just like these. How disruptive was the mistake? If you stepped on the wrong foot or turned to the left instead of the right, or perhaps stumbled a little, your mistake would likely be considered a “low disruption” – one that likely only you or a few trained eyes would catch. If you completely forgot your next figure and froze on the spot, that would be a “moderate disruption” – one that a fair number of your guests might catch, but reactions would likely be a few tension-cutting chuckles rather than alarmed gasps. “High disruptions” can sometimes happen too, though – mishaps that derail the entire experience at best, or result in injury at worst.
The key during the “Recognitize” phase is identifying what level of disruption you and/or your partner just encountered, and quickly selecting a recovery strategy that is appropriate for your dance skill level and that matches the level of disruption.
2. Commit (Don’t fear it! Your new spouse already said “yes” to you at the altar!)
I offer the following three solutions to wedding dance mistakes, which range in required dance skill and level of disruption to the dance experience. Add these to your “dancer’s toolbelt” and internalize these as back-up plans you can commit to at a moment’s notice:
Solution 1: Improvise (Requires proficient-to-advanced dance skill, but is the least disruptive solution)
If you’ve been practicing the dance style of your wedding dance for a while, you could try going through some basic or intermediate figures/steps until you gain your bearings and can transition back into your choreography. That’s what I had to do for my wedding dance. When my wife and I realized we were dancing backwards on stage, during one particular pull-across and burst, I added an extra turn and changed the direction we were going, which effectively switched us forward again. Perhaps you don’t add extra turns or breakaways, but instead move through a series of box steps that help reorient yourselves. 98% of your audience won’t even be able to tell you messed up your choreography. Trust me
If you’re feeling really stylish, you could also just bust out the latest TikTok dance (ironically jamming to My Love by Sia) and make it seem like that was the plan the whole time. Or…
Solution 2: Wait for the next moment (Requires basic-to-proficient dance skill, and is a moderately disruptive solution)
If you are not a highly trained ballroom dancer, but you feel comfortable with dance rhythm and beat timings (check out the Dancebeat App if you haven’t already started to hone your timing skills!), then you could instead pause where you stumbled, and simply wait until the next full bar to continue through your choreography. This is especially useful if your dance does not line up with any particular big beat-drop moments or chorus lines. While some audience members might wonder if the pause was planned or not, taking a full moment to gather your bearings could allow you to whisper to your partner about your next intentions, and give you a nice, clean transition into the next part. If you’d like, instead of standing stone still, you could simply sway with your partner in place as a way to maintain some movement while you figure out your next steps.
Solution 3: Start over (Requires only basic dance skill, but is the most disruptive solution)
If you find yourself completely flustered, I think you will find many audiences to be quite forgiving if you decide to pull the plug and try for a take two. Wave the DJ down, have them restart the music, and get a clean slate. If marriages represent new beginnings, then why not seize a new beginning for this moment? You should to ask yourself, though: Why do you want to restart from the beginning? Does your desire for a redo stem from an underlying perfectionism, or perhaps fear of judgment? What do you want the focus of your reception to be? Couldn’t you argue that an imperfectly executed dance could be considered just as beautiful and representative of triumph over shortcomings? Instead of completely restarting from the beginning, if you made it through most of your choreography, you could also simply end your dance, maybe do some swaying from Solution 2, and ride out the rest of the music in the loving embrace of your new spouse. Feel free to start over if you and your partner truly want to, but make sure you are restarting with the right intentions, in a way that aligns with your life ideology.
Of course, if you’ve stopped because of a twisted ankle, please seek medical attention!
3. Reflect (A healthy couple should do this often anyway.)
After the dust has settled and the dance is over, however it went for you, it’s important to check in with your new spouse to gauge how they are feeling. You might find that your check-in is exactly the emotional connection they are looking for in that moment, or you might find that talking to them is exactly what you need after the whirlwind of your wedding day. Additionally, if you two plan on dancing choreography together in the future, it could be helpful to evaluate the recovery strategy you used from step 2.
When it comes to “making mistakes,” it’s important to recognize that symbolism is multi-layered and often what we make of it. A small misstep could represent frustration, AND the beauty of stepping through life with someone new. An injurious fall could represent deep disappointment, AND compassion when your partner helps you back to your feet. In the moment, your audience will likely offer you kind applause for whatever your recovery might be (if they even notice it at all!), and maybe your audience will remember your wedding dance for decades—or forget about it by next year. Life moves on, after all, and at least you will have someone special in your life to help you laugh about, cry over, and reframe memories of your experiences together.
Not yet feeling confident to “dance away” mistakes? Get more practice now:
